Financial Feminist – 92. Embracing Your Inner-Perfectionist with Katherine Morgan Schafler

Intro

In this episode of the “Financial Feminist” podcast, host Catherine Morgan Schafler explores the topic of embracing your inner perfectionist. She discusses the gendered and biased views around perfectionism, its impact on our relationship with money, and how to harness perfectionism as a superpower. Catherine also shares insights from her book, “The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control”, and provides valuable takeaways on self-acceptance and productivity.

Main Takeaways

Perfectionism and Gender Bias

• Perfectionism is more acceptable for women when expressed through archetypal homemaker interests, rather than in competition with men.
• Women who assert themselves and have a competitive nature are at risk of incurring penalties and emotional weight of being perceived as something wrong with them.
• Perfectionism is a highly gendered term and is an implicit marker of misogyny in our culture.
• Women are often shamed for being perfectionists while men are praised for it.

The Power of Perfectionism

• Perfectionism can be a superpower if harnessed correctly, and our views around it are gendered and biased against women.
• Perfectionism is fear and stilettos, a way of protecting ourselves from failure or looking like a fraud.
• Perfectionism can be a healthy and adaptive trait, but maladaptive perfectionism can be destructive.
• Perfectionism is experienced in a visceral and deeper way, and it is an enduring identity marker.
• Healthy perfectionists understand that ideals are meant to inspire, not be achieved.

The Impact of Perfectionism on Money

• Downsides of perfectionism include how it can affect our relationship with money.
• Punishment and shame in financial contexts can lead to unresolved trauma.
• Changing behavior is not enough, it’s about changing the dynamic of behavior that doesn’t align with personal values.
• Letting go of perfection and anxiety around dropping the ball is important for managing money and personal wellness.

Embracing Self-Acceptance and Productivity

• Self-acceptance and getting things done are valuable takeaways from this episode.
• Letting go of familiar but unhealthy coping mechanisms is difficult but necessary for personal growth and wellness.
• Psychological distance can help in decision-making by providing a clearer perspective.
• Rest and feeling like oneself is important for sustaining success and enjoying it in the long term.
• Balance is a myth that we are sold, and nobody is balanced or getting it right all the time.

Summary

Perfectionism, Gender Bias, and Money

Perfectionism is a highly gendered term, with women often being shamed for it while men are praised. Society accepts perfectionism from women in archetypal homemaker interests but not in competitive fields. This gender bias in perfectionism is an implicit marker of misogyny in our culture. Perfectionism can be a superpower if harnessed correctly, but it can also have downsides, including its impact on our relationship with money. Punishment and shame in financial contexts can lead to unresolved trauma, and changing behavior alone is not enough. Letting go of perfection and anxiety around dropping the ball is crucial for managing money and personal wellness.

Embracing Self-Acceptance and Productivity

Self-acceptance and getting things done are valuable takeaways from this episode. Embracing self-acceptance involves letting go of familiar but unhealthy coping mechanisms and adopting self-compassion. Psychological distance can provide a clearer perspective in decision-making, and rest is essential for sustaining success and enjoying it in the long term. The myth of balance is debunked, as nobody is truly balanced all the time. Instead, embracing wholeness and completeness, rather than flawlessness, is key. Everyone is equally worthy of love, joy, connection, dignity, and freedom, regardless of their accomplishments.

Conclusion

Embracing our inner perfectionist involves recognizing the gender bias and societal expectations around perfectionism. By harnessing perfectionism as a superpower, managing its impact on our relationship with money, and embracing self-acceptance and productivity, we can lead more fulfilling lives. Letting go of perfection and adopting self-compassion allows us to be our true, complex selves and find joy and success on our own terms.