The Prof G Pod with Scott Galloway – Conversation with Jennifer B. Wallace — What to Do About Toxic Achievement Culture

Intro

In this episode of “The Prof G Pod with Scott Galloway,” Jennifer B. Wallace, an award-winning journalist and social commentator, discusses her new parenting book, “Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic and What We Can Do About It.” Wallace investigates the roots of toxic achievement culture and its negative effects on children, offering insights and solutions for parents and children alike.

Main Takeaways

The Negative Effects of Toxic Achievement Culture

• Economic pressures on families and the importance of instilling a sense of mattering in children are discussed.
• Gender influences on children’s sense of interdependence are explored.
• Students who attend high-achieving schools and those in at-risk groups, such as students in poverty, with incarcerated parents, recent immigrants, and in foster care, face excessive pressure to achieve.
• Pain is pain, and these students deserve empathy regardless of their socioeconomic status.
• Compassion is not a zero-sum game, and it’s our job as adults to do something about the pain these students are experiencing.

The Impact of Social Media and Technology

• The impacts of social media and technology on teenagers have shifted the approach to parenting for some, prioritizing happiness and well-being over grades and achievement.
• Toxic ambition can manifest in various ways, including pressure from parents and society to achieve at all costs.
• Dirty fuel, such as criticism and comparison, can lead to short-term success but long-term negative effects on a child’s well-being.
• Healthy fuel, such as mattering, can lead to long-term success and a protective shield against stress and anxiety.
• Mattering is making children feel valued for who they are at their core and depending on them to add meaningful value back to their families, friends, and communities.

Parenting and Society’s Role

• Parents today are more protective of their children than in the past, which can hinder their development of skills and confidence.
• Macro-economic forces, such as globalization and income inequality, contribute to parents’ overprotective behavior.
• There is societal pressure for children to attend elite colleges and be successful in a competitive economy, which leads to tracking and intense pressure on children.
• The education system is biased towards females, making it harder for males to demonstrate economic viability.
• Parents should not be solely blamed for their parenting behavior, as it is a societal issue.

Building Healthy Interdependence

• Boys need to be taught that they are worthy of leaning on others for support and have an obligation to be a source of support for others.
• Fathers and male figures play an important role in helping boys build emotional lives and healthy interdependence.
• Modeling vulnerability and asking for help can teach boys to do the same.
• Building healthy interdependent relationships takes courage and can be hindered by envy in competitive environments.
• It’s important to explain to kids that envy is universal and not to let it get in the way of building deep relationships.

Societal Solutions

• Society should widen the definition of success and prioritize mattering over achievement.
• Parents should zoom out and focus on larger goals, like instilling a sense of mattering and putting buffers in place to absorb stress and pressure.
• Safety nets for kids come from deep relationships, not just academic achievements.
• Schools can play a role in fostering relationships and prioritizing teacher-mattering.
• Pressure for exclusivity and artificial supply in college admissions is causing anxiety and despair for students.

Summary

Understanding Toxic Achievement Culture and its Effects

Wallace’s book, “Never Enough,” delves into the roots of toxic achievement culture and the negative impact it has on children. Economic pressures and the need to instill a sense of mattering in children are crucial considerations. Gender influences on children’s interdependence and the pressure faced by students in high-achieving schools and at-risk groups are explored. It is important to empathize with all students, regardless of their socioeconomic status, and take action to address their pain.

The Role of Social Media and Technology

The rise of social media and technology has shifted parenting approaches, with a growing focus on happiness and well-being over grades and achievement. However, toxic ambition can still manifest through pressure from parents and society. The use of unhealthy fuel, such as criticism and comparison, can lead to short-term success but have long-term negative effects on a child’s well-being. On the other hand, healthy fuel, such as mattering, can foster long-term success and act as a protective shield against stress and anxiety. Mattering involves valuing children for who they are and encouraging them to contribute meaningfully to their communities.

Parenting and Society’s Influence

Parents today tend to be more protective, hindering their children’s development of skills and confidence. Macro-economic forces, such as globalization and income inequality, contribute to this overprotective behavior. Societal pressure to attend elite colleges and succeed in a competitive economy leads to tracking and intense pressure on children. Additionally, the education system is biased towards females, making it harder for males to demonstrate economic viability. It is crucial to recognize that parenting behavior is influenced by broader societal issues and not solely the fault of individual parents.

Building Healthy Interdependence

Teaching boys the importance of healthy interdependence is essential for their mental health and well-being. Fathers and male figures play a crucial role in helping boys build emotional lives and healthy relationships. Modeling vulnerability and asking for help can teach boys to do the same. However, building healthy interdependent relationships requires courage and can be hindered by envy in competitive environments. It is important to explain to children that envy is universal and should not hinder the development of deep relationships.

Societal Solutions for Toxic Achievement Culture

To combat toxic achievement culture, society must redefine success and prioritize mattering over achievement. Parents should focus on larger goals, such as instilling a sense of mattering and creating buffers to absorb stress and pressure. Safety nets for children come from deep relationships rather than solely academic achievements. Schools can also play a role in fostering relationships and prioritizing teacher-mattering. Additionally, the pressure for exclusivity and artificial supply in college admissions is causing anxiety and despair for students. Widening access to elite colleges and implementing national compulsory service can alleviate these pressures and promote social mobility.

Conclusion

Wallace’s book, “Never Enough,” sheds light on the detrimental effects of toxic achievement culture on children and provides valuable insights and solutions for parents and society as a whole. By prioritizing mattering, fostering healthy interdependence, and redefining success, we can create a more supportive and inclusive environment for children to thrive and grow.