Moment 128: How To Fix Your Sexless Relationship: Tracey Cox | The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

Intro

In this episode of “The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett,” Steven sits down with renowned sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox to discuss how to fix a sexless relationship. They delve into the reasons behind a decrease in sexual appetite, the impact of past trauma, and the importance of communication and understanding in rebuilding intimacy.

Main Takeaways

Understanding the Dynamics

• Sexless relationships are becoming a critical problem for many couples in their 30s, leading to frustration and potential cheating or breakups.
• Lack of communication and understanding can contribute to a partner’s decreased sexual appetite.
• Fear of abandonment and past trauma can impact a person’s relationship with sex.

Rebuilding Intimacy

• Rebuilding sexual intimacy requires patience, communication, and creating a safe space for the partner.
• Understanding the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire can help couples improve their sexual experiences.
• Spontaneous desire is the want to seek sex, while responsive desire means there is no desire for sex until someone is doing something sexually to them.

Differences in Desire

• Two thirds of men have spontaneous desire, while 30% of women have responsive desire.
• Most men have spontaneous desire and are happy to go straight to genital sex, while women need time to warm up because their sex drivers are responsive.
• Women need foreplay as a necessity for comfortable sex because they need time to tent the vagina.

Understanding Female Desire

• Women need to understand that they still want sex, but they need great stimulation and great sex to get their desire back.
• Women actually like erotic wild sex, and research shows that they respond to it just as men do.
• Society’s views can make things disarousing, but our bodies still crave sex.

Improving Sexual Experiences

• Providing interesting and exciting sex can improve a long-term relationship.
• Reading erotic literature can reignite a couple’s sex life.
• Small, bite-sized sexual experiences can help reconnect a couple who has lost their sexual routine.

Summary

Understanding the Dynamics

Sexless relationships are a growing concern for many couples in their 30s, leading to frustration and potential relationship issues. Lack of communication and understanding can contribute to a partner’s decreased sexual appetite. Additionally, past trauma and fear of abandonment can impact a person’s relationship with sex. It is important for couples to address these underlying issues in order to rebuild intimacy.

Rebuilding Intimacy

Rebuilding sexual intimacy requires patience, open communication, and creating a safe space for the partner. Couples can improve their sexual experiences by understanding the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire. Spontaneous desire refers to the natural urge to seek sex, while responsive desire means there is no initial desire for sex until someone is doing something sexually to them. By understanding these dynamics, couples can better navigate their sexual relationship.

Differences in Desire

There are differences in desire between men and women. Two-thirds of men have spontaneous desire and are happy to engage in genital sex without much warm-up. On the other hand, 30% of women have responsive desire and need time to warm up before engaging in sexual activities. Women require foreplay as a necessity for comfortable sex because it allows time for the vagina to tent. Understanding these differences can help couples meet each other’s needs and enhance their sexual experiences.

Understanding Female Desire

It is important for women to understand that they still want sex, but they may need great stimulation and great sex to ignite their desire. Contrary to societal views, women actually enjoy erotic wild sex and respond to it just as men do. While external factors may make things disarousing, our bodies still crave sexual connection. By embracing and exploring their desires, women can enhance their sexual experiences and strengthen their relationships.

Improving Sexual Experiences

Improving sexual experiences can be a key factor in maintaining a long-term relationship. Couples can enhance their sex life by providing interesting and exciting experiences for each other. Reading erotic literature can also reignite passion and desire. Additionally, engaging in small, bite-sized sexual experiences can help reconnect couples who may have lost their sexual routine. By prioritizing and investing in their sexual relationship, couples can strengthen their bond and overall satisfaction.

Conclusion

Fixing a sexless relationship requires open communication, understanding, and a willingness to explore and meet each other’s needs. By addressing underlying issues, understanding the dynamics of desire, and investing in exciting sexual experiences, couples can rebuild intimacy and strengthen their relationship. It is important to remember that sexual desire is a natural and essential part of human connection, and by prioritizing it, couples can cultivate a fulfilling and satisfying partnership.