In this episode of “The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett,” former world’s greatest pick-up artist and best-selling author, Neil Strauss, opens up about cheating, monogamy, and relationships. He shares insights into the evolutionary arguments suggesting that humans are wired to cheat after around 7 years in a relationship. Strauss also delves into the impact of childhood experiences on relationship issues and the importance of self-improvement. Join Steven Bartlett as he explores the true danger of porn and the complexities of human relationships with Neil Strauss.
Neil Strauss, former world’s greatest pick-up artist and best-selling author, shares insights into the complexities of relationships. Evolutionary arguments suggest that humans are wired to cheat after around 7 years in a relationship. However, relationship issues often stem from historical experiences, especially childhood experiences. Rather than focusing on finding the perfect partner, individuals should strive to become the person they want to attract. Writing down impactful experiences can aid self-understanding, and recognizing and intervening quickly when old behaviors resurface is crucial for personal growth.
Childhood experiences play a significant role in shaping adult behavior. Enmeshment, a type of parenting where the child’s role is to take care of their parent’s needs, can lead to unhealthy relationship patterns. Post-induction therapy (PIT) helps individuals break free from the hypnosis of their childhood experiences. Reparenting, a therapeutic technique, allows individuals to communicate with their inner child and heal past traumas. Ongoing maintenance through talk therapy or support groups is necessary for long-term change.
Neil Strauss explores the concept of monogamy and non-monogamy. Evolutionary biologist Helen Fisher believes that humans are naturally inclined to be faithful to one person for life. However, serial monogamy with clandestine adultery aligns with evolutionary perspectives. Ethical non-monogamy, characterized by consensual and honest non-monogamous relationships, is an alternative approach. Opening up a relationship requires open communication and can help individuals work through insecurities and fears of abandonment. Intentions and trust are more important than rigid rules in a relationship.
The rise of dating apps and technology has not necessarily led to more successful relationships. Social isolation and loneliness are becoming more prevalent, contributing to mental health issues. Chasing validation through dating multiple people is not a healthy approach. Healing past wounds and finding meaningful connections and activities are crucial for personal fulfillment. It is essential to address the mental health crisis and prioritize mental well-being as much as physical health.
Neil Strauss emphasizes the importance of self-esteem and self-validation. True self-esteem should come from within, not seeking validation from external sources. The journey to self-esteem involves understanding past experiences and programming and working on them. Being other-oriented, focusing on psychological health, being of service, and expressing emotions are key components of self-improvement. There are no shortcuts to achieving self-validation and security, but the rewards are worth the effort.
In this thought-provoking episode, Neil Strauss provides valuable insights into the complexities of relationships, the impact of childhood experiences, and the journey to self-esteem. By understanding the evolutionary arguments behind cheating, addressing childhood traumas, redefining monogamy, and focusing on personal growth, individuals can navigate the challenges of modern dating and find fulfillment in their relationships. It is crucial to prioritize mental health and seek meaningful connections to combat social isolation and loneliness. Ultimately, the journey to self-esteem requires self-reflection, personal growth, and a shift towards being other-oriented.