Moment 136: 3 VITAL Questions To Ask Yourself If You’re Feeling Trapped In Life (Relationships, Work & Financially): Adam Alter | The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

Intro

In this episode of “The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett,” Steven Bartlett discusses feeling trapped in life and how to overcome it with guest Adam Alter. They explore various aspects of feeling stuck, including finances, relationships, jobs, and creative pursuits. The conversation dives deep into the emotional aspect of feeling stuck and provides valuable insights on how to get unstuck.

Main Takeaways

Understanding Feeling Stuck

• Feeling stuck is subjective and can vary from person to person.
• Survey results show people feel stuck in various aspects of life, including finances, relationships, jobs, and creative pursuits.
• Understanding and accepting the emotional aspect of feeling stuck is important in finding ways to get unstuck.

Perseverance vs. Quitting

• The relationship between perseverance, becoming unstuck, and knowing when to quit is a complex topic with various perspectives.
• Angela Duckworth’s grit is about sticking through and continuing on, while Annie Duke’s book Quit is about knowing when to quit.
• It’s important to consider the opportunity costs of quitting and if there’s something else that’s an easy thing to jump to that would require leaving behind the thing that’s making you stuck.
• Research shows that it’s almost always a good idea to persevere beyond the point where you feel stuck.

The Quitting Framework

• If you’re learning a new skill, consider if the gap between where you are and where you want to be is shrinking over time. If it’s staying the same or getting larger, it’s a good indication that it’s time to move on.
• The quitting framework: if it’s hard and not worth it, quit. If it’s hard but worth it, stay the course. If it sucks, ask if you can make it suck less. If not, quit.

Simplifying and Friction Audit

• Hardship is the first step in making something good, and simplifying the problem as much as possible is the best way to get unstuck.
• Simplifying the complex friction audit can help identify sticking points.
• The importance of subtracting and focusing on the nugget of a problem.
• Removing the stick that stops people from doing what you want is more effective than making the carrot more attractive.
• The friction audit process involves asking what’s getting in the way and minimizing or eradicating those things.

Connecting with Others

• Asking others what causes them the most friction can lead to surprising answers and a more uplifting, connecting experience.

Summary

Understanding Feeling Stuck

Feeling stuck is a subjective experience that can manifest in various aspects of life. Survey results reveal that people commonly feel trapped in their finances, relationships, jobs, and creative pursuits. Acknowledging and accepting the emotional aspect of feeling stuck is crucial in finding ways to break free from it.

Perseverance vs. Quitting

The decision between perseverance and quitting is multifaceted. While Angela Duckworth’s concept of grit emphasizes sticking through challenges, Annie Duke’s book “Quit” explores the importance of knowing when to quit. It’s essential to consider the opportunity costs of quitting and evaluate if there are alternative paths that may require leaving behind the source of feeling stuck. Research suggests that persevering beyond the point of feeling stuck often yields positive outcomes.

The Quitting Framework

When learning a new skill, it’s valuable to assess if the gap between your current abilities and desired proficiency is narrowing over time. If it remains stagnant or widens, it may be an indication to explore other options. The quitting framework suggests that if a pursuit is difficult and not worth the effort, quitting is appropriate. However, if it’s challenging but holds value, perseverance is advised. Additionally, if a situation simply sucks, one can consider if there are ways to make it more bearable. If not, quitting may be the best course of action.

Simplifying and Friction Audit

Overcoming feeling stuck often involves simplifying complex problems. By breaking down the issue into its core components, it becomes easier to identify sticking points and potential solutions. The friction audit process entails examining what obstacles hinder progress and minimizing or eliminating them. Rather than focusing solely on incentives, removing barriers that prevent desired actions can be more effective in facilitating progress.

Connecting with Others

Engaging with others and seeking their perspectives on what causes friction in their lives can be enlightening. Surprising answers may arise, leading to a more uplifting and connecting experience. Sharing experiences and finding common ground can provide support and inspiration to overcome feeling stuck.

Conclusion

Feeling stuck is a common experience in various aspects of life. However, understanding the emotional aspect, evaluating perseverance versus quitting, simplifying problems, and seeking connections with others can help individuals find ways to break free from feeling trapped. By embracing the complexity of feeling stuck and exploring different perspectives, it becomes possible to navigate towards a more fulfilling and liberated life.