Agnes Callard on Sex | Philosophy Bites

Intro

In this episode of Philosophy Bites, Agnes Callard delves into the philosophical aspects of sex. Inspired by David Halperin’s essay ‘What is Sex for’, Callard explores the complexities of sexual desire and the fundamental predicament of wanting to be wanted.

Main Takeaways

Sexual Desire and Reciprocity

• Sexual desire is the desire to be wanted.
• There is a fundamental erotic predicament of never being sure if we are wanted in the way we want to be wanted.
• Sexual desire involves reciprocity and expressing a desire for the other person in the same way they desire you.
• Sex is a ritual that symbolizes reciprocal wanting.
• Erotic encounters can happen without physical touch, such as through eye glances or other non-physical ways of expressing desire.

The Flexibility of Erotic Reciprocity

• Behaviors that symbolize erotic reciprocity vary across cultures and individuals.
• Touching is a natural symbolic relation to reciprocal desire, but the behavior that stands for erotic reciprocity is somewhat flexible.
• Sexual fantasy is a way in which the mind negotiates and tries to get around the predicament of reciprocity.

The Nature of Sex

• Sex is often penetrative, driven by biology, physiology, and changes in the endocrine system.
• Sex is a natural hunger, like hunger for food, that is leveraged in the sexual act.
• Orgasms are a way for sex to end with a satisfying climax.
• Being solely focused on pleasure during sex can be unerotic and off-putting.

Philosophy and Sex

• Philosophers have not written much about sex, possibly due to Aristotle’s lack of interest in the topic.
• Philosophy can reveal a person’s sexual idiosyncrasies, which may be why philosophers avoid the topic.

Summary

Exploring Sexual Desire and Reciprocity

Agnes Callard examines the nature of sexual desire, highlighting its connection to the desire to be wanted. She explores the fundamental predicament of never being sure if we are wanted in the way we want to be wanted. Sexual desire involves reciprocity and expressing a desire for the other person in the same way they desire us. This reciprocity is symbolized through various behaviors, which can vary across cultures and individuals. Erotic encounters can even occur without physical touch, relying on non-physical expressions of desire.

The Flexibility of Erotic Reciprocity

Callard discusses the flexibility of the behaviors that symbolize erotic reciprocity. While touching is a natural symbolic relation to reciprocal desire, the specific behaviors can vary. Sexual fantasy serves as a way for the mind to negotiate and navigate the predicament of reciprocity, allowing individuals to explore their desires and preferences within the realm of the imagination.

Understanding the Nature of Sex

Callard explores the nature of sex as a biological and physiological act driven by changes in the endocrine system. Sex is likened to a natural hunger, leveraged in the sexual act. Orgasms serve as a satisfying climax to the sexual ritual. However, Callard emphasizes that solely pursuing pleasure during sex can be unerotic and off-putting, highlighting the importance of reciprocity and connection.

Philosophy’s Relationship with Sex

Callard reflects on the lack of philosophical discourse on sex, possibly stemming from Aristotle’s disinterest in the topic. She suggests that philosophy has the potential to reveal a person’s sexual idiosyncrasies, which may explain why philosophers tend to avoid the subject. By philosophizing about sex, individuals inadvertently expose aspects of their personality and desires.

Conclusion

Agnes Callard’s exploration of sex from a philosophical perspective sheds light on the complexities of sexual desire, the challenges of reciprocity, and the nature of sex itself. By delving into these philosophical aspects, we gain a deeper understanding of the intricacies and nuances of human sexuality.