#732 – Mary Harrington – Why You Shouldn’t Share Your Private Life Online | Modern Wisdom

Intro

In this episode of the “Modern Wisdom” podcast, host Chris Williamson is joined by Mary Harrington, a writer and commentator focusing on reactionary feminism. They discuss the impact of sharing personal lives online, the changing role of privacy, the crisis with masculinity and femininity in our culture, and the surrogacy industry.

Main Takeaways

The Importance of Digital Modesty and Privacy

• Digital modesty is about considering the exposure of everything on the internet and being intentional about what to post to avoid negative consequences.
• Basic principles for digital modesty include not posting selfies online to protect oneself from potential negative comments and to keep personal moments intimate.
• Being intentional about what to share online and creating boundaries to protect personal moments and experiences.
• Setting boundaries on the culture of transparency is crucial in the digital age.
• The idea of sharing everything and being open about everything may have been true to an extent before the internet, but with the internet, there is a potential to document every moment of our lives.

The Impact of Technology on Personal Experiences

• The impact of technology and social media has led to a surveillance state and a lack of privacy, affecting the ability to have carefree moments and intimate connections.
• The speaker reflects on their aversion to taking photos due to associating it with shilling for content on the internet, leading to a lack of personal memories captured.
• The speaker acknowledges their fear of taking photos for the future, highlighting the struggle of balancing capturing memories without feeling like it’s for the sake of creating content.
• Running is a sacred space for the speaker, as it allows them to disconnect from technology and social media.
• The speaker discusses the impact of social media on personal behavior, highlighting the pressure to share and perform for an imaginary audience.

The Repercussions of Sharing Political Opinions Online

• The conversation shifts to the repercussions of sharing political opinions online, emphasizing the impact on personal relationships and the increasing polarization of political views.
• The online persona and opinions can impact future relationships, restricting the mating pool based on past opinions.
• Advice for singles: date someone who is not very online to balance the relationship.
• Anecdotal evidence suggests that sharing opinions online can create challenges in forming genuine, mutually satisfying relationships.
• Digital modesty and setting boundaries for online sharing can protect intimacy and personal life.

The Challenges of Traditional Gender Roles and Relationships

• There may be a crisis of femininity in the future due to a lack of good female role models and a culture where physical bodies matter less, particularly in knowledge-based occupations.
• Attempts to redefine traditional gender roles and relationships can lead to negative experiences and trauma.
• Some women who embraced traditional gender roles as part of the alt-right movement ended up in abusive relationships and are now part of a subset of radical feminists.
• The attempt to recreate traditional gender roles and dynamics can lead to unexpected and sometimes negative outcomes.
• Trying to reverse engineer social sex differences without considering the material underpinnings that created those norms can be challenging and potentially problematic.

The Impact of Fragmented Families and Lack of Support

• The culture may be anti-family in unobvious ways, such as people not acknowledging children in public spaces, possibly due to fear of being seen as a predator.
• There is a toxic fear of being labeled as a predator, especially for men, when interacting with mothers and children in public settings, which can hinder positive interactions with children.
• The level of panic about non-singles today is much greater than it was 50 or 30 years ago, despite the total number being similar.
• The breakdown of families and luxury beliefs disproportionately affect the poorest women, families, and children.
• The importance of centering the baby’s needs and prioritizing their care over personal desires.

Summary

The Importance of Digital Modesty and Privacy

Mary Harrington discusses the concept of digital modesty and the need to be intentional about what is shared online. She emphasizes the importance of considering the exposure of everything on the internet and setting boundaries to protect personal moments and experiences. Digital modesty involves not posting selfies online to avoid potential negative comments and to keep personal moments intimate. In the age of oversharing, it is crucial to be mindful of what is shared online and to create a strategy for maintaining privacy.

The Impact of Technology on Personal Experiences

Harrington reflects on the impact of technology and social media on personal experiences. She shares her aversion to taking photos due to the association with creating content for the internet, which hinders the capture of personal memories. Harrington acknowledges the struggle of finding a balance between capturing memories and feeling the pressure to document everything for the sake of sharing online. She finds solace in running as a way to disconnect from technology and social media. The pressure to perform for an imaginary audience on social media is discussed, highlighting the impact on personal behavior and the need for digital detox.

The Repercussions of Sharing Political Opinions Online

The conversation shifts to the repercussions of sharing political opinions online. Harrington emphasizes the impact on personal relationships and the increasing polarization of political views. The online persona and opinions can impact future relationships, limiting the dating pool based on past opinions expressed online. Harrington advises singles to consider dating someone who is not heavily involved in online platforms to balance the relationship. Anecdotal evidence suggests that sharing opinions online can create challenges in forming genuine and mutually satisfying relationships. Digital modesty and setting boundaries for online sharing can protect intimacy and personal life.

The Challenges of Traditional Gender Roles and Relationships

Harrington delves into the challenges of traditional gender roles and relationships in modern society. She highlights the crisis of femininity, noting a lack of good female role models and a culture that devalues physical bodies, particularly in knowledge-based occupations. Attempts to redefine traditional gender roles and relationships can lead to negative experiences and trauma. Harrington mentions the subset of radical feminists who initially embraced traditional gender roles as part of the alt-right movement but ended up in abusive relationships. Trying to reverse engineer social sex differences without considering the material underpinnings that created those norms can be challenging and potentially problematic.

The Impact of Fragmented Families and Lack of Support

Harrington discusses the impact of fragmented families and the lack of support in society. She highlights the anti-family culture that often fails to acknowledge children in public spaces due to fear of being seen as a predator. This toxic fear affects positive interactions with children, especially for men. Despite the similar number of non-singles compared to previous years, there is a greater panic about being single today. The breakdown of families and luxury beliefs disproportionately affect the poorest women, families, and children. Harrington emphasizes the importance of centering the baby’s needs and prioritizing their care over personal desires.

Conclusion

Mary Harrington’s discussion on the importance of digital modesty, the impact of technology on personal experiences, the repercussions of sharing political opinions online, the challenges of traditional gender roles and relationships, and the impact of fragmented families provides valuable insights into navigating the digital age and maintaining privacy, intimacy, and meaningful connections. It is essential to be intentional about what is shared online and to set boundaries to protect personal moments and experiences. By recognizing the potential negative consequences of oversharing and prioritizing genuine relationships, individuals can navigate the complexities of modern society.