Decoder Ring: The Dating Manual Unlike Any Other | Slow Burn

Intro

In this episode of Decoder Ring, the host explores the controversial dating manual from the mid-1990s called “The Rules” and its ongoing relevance in today’s dating culture. The book, written by Ellen Fine and Sherry Schneider, aimed to help single women find love by following a set of dating rules. Despite facing criticism and backlash, “The Rules” remains popular and influential even after almost 30 years since its publication.

Main Takeaways

The Legacy of “The Rules”

• The Rules is a controversial dating manual from the mid-1990s that includes rules like not laughing or talking too much and never making the first move.
• The book’s authors, Sherry and Ellen, believed that following these rules helped them and others find romantic success.
• The book promised that following its rules would help women land a husband or avoid a breakup.
• The Rules movement was further propelled by an appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show, where the authors were praised for their dating advice.
• Despite criticism and the passage of time, “The Rules” remained popular and influential.

The Controversy Surrounding “The Rules”

• The book’s advice was grounded in historical gender roles and social conventions, rather than biology.
• The book’s advice was criticized for promoting the suppression of women’s personalities and sense of humor.
• The book suggested that women should accept the reality of sexism and follow age-old guidance to find husbands.
• A feminist writer and scholar named Regina Bereca appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show to voice her criticism of the book’s message.
• Men were not fond of the book either, as they caught wind of women using the rules on them.

The Ongoing Relevance of “The Rules”

• The Rules are still present in today’s dating culture, and this episode of Decoder Ring explores their ongoing relevance.
• The book was updated in 2013 for the age of texting and Facebook, and a handbook was released in 2023.
• People are still responding to the rules, including Alicia Williams, a speech pathologist who became a certified rules coach.
• The rules have a strong following on Facebook, with hundreds of members, and are even being promoted by popular TikTok creator, Tanks.
• The Rules offer advice on how to handle the double standard of women being assertive and how to actively find a man who will make an effort.

Summary

The Legacy of “The Rules”

“The Rules” is a controversial dating manual from the mid-1990s that aimed to help single women find love by following a set of dating rules. Despite facing criticism and backlash, the book became popular and influential, even reaching number one on the New York Times bestseller list. The authors, Ellen and Sherrie, capitalized on their success by offering consultations and selling merchandise. The book’s message of letting the man chase the woman appealed to many women who believed it could help them find romantic success.

The Controversy Surrounding “The Rules”

“The Rules” faced criticism for promoting outdated gender roles and suppressing women’s personalities and sense of humor. Feminist writer Regina Bereca voiced her concerns on the Oprah Winfrey Show, challenging the book’s message and its impact on women’s empowerment. Men also expressed their dislike for the book, as they felt manipulated by women using the rules on them. Despite the controversy, “The Rules” remained popular and influential, with many women finding it helpful in navigating the realities of their dating lives.

The Ongoing Relevance of “The Rules”

Even after almost 30 years since its publication, “The Rules” continues to have an impact on dating culture. The book was updated to address modern technology and released a handbook in 2023. People still respond to the rules, with some becoming certified rules coaches and promoting them on social media platforms like Facebook and TikTok. The rules offer advice on handling the double standard of women being assertive and provide strategies for finding a partner who will make an effort. Despite the criticism, “The Rules” remains a significant part of dating advice for many individuals.

Conclusion

“The Rules” may be a controversial dating manual, but its legacy and ongoing relevance cannot be denied. While some criticize the book for promoting outdated gender roles and suppressing women’s personalities, others find it helpful in navigating the complexities of modern dating. Whether one agrees with the rules or not, it is clear that “The Rules” has left a lasting impact on dating culture and continues to be a topic of discussion and debate.