How to Talk to People – #34 – Kristen Kalinka: Here’s How to Be a Great Long Distance Friend

Intro

In episode #34 of the “How to Talk to People” podcast, Kristen Kalinka shares insights on how to be a great long-distance friend and make friends at work. She discusses the challenges of friend breakups, self-comparison, and anxiety about life plans. Kristen emphasizes the importance of building a healthy social circle and offers practical tips for maintaining long-distance friendships. She also admires Dr. Jeff Hall for his expertise in social connectedness and relationships.

Main Takeaways

Building a Healthy Social Circle

• Building a healthy social circle is essential for a healthy life.
• Deep friendships can fill your social battery rather than drain it.
• Intellectual humility involves seeing others as individuals who can intellectually contribute to you.
• Practice talking to strangers can help alleviate anxiety and improve communication skills.

Navigating Long-Distance Friendships

• The art of being a long-distance friend is important in today’s mobile world.
• Long distance friendships can be maintained with effort and communication.
• Growing and evolving friendships can still have things in common and be fun.
• Feeling homesick when moving away is normal and can be alleviated by social support.

Personal Growth and Communication

• Responding instead of reacting can help with being yourself.
• Being yourself can be difficult due to fear of judgment from others.
• Holding each other accountable in a respectful manner is important for personal growth.
• Being present and actively listening to others is important for effective communication.

Navigating Life and Making Decisions

• Navigating life after college can be overwhelming and there is no guidebook.
• Trusting your intuition is important in navigating life.
• Taking chances can lead to great opportunities and personal growth.
• Slowing down and reflecting on what you want in life can lead to a better understanding of yourself.

Comparison, Gratitude, and Manifestation

• Don’t compare yourself to others, focus on gratitude and appreciation.
• Success and worthiness are not defined by societal norms or timelines.
• Metrics and numbers do not always reflect the true success and growth of a project or individual.
• Manifesting requires believing in what you have and being positive.

Friendship Dynamics and Boundaries

• Friend breakups and growing apart from friends are common challenges, but can be navigated.
• The importance of choosing friends who bring out the best in you.
• Having boundaries in relationships is important.
• It’s okay to make mistakes in friendships.

Summary

Building a Healthy Social Circle

Building a healthy social circle is crucial for overall well-being. Deep friendships can provide social support and recharge our social batteries. Kristen emphasizes the value of intellectual humility, which involves recognizing that others can contribute intellectually to our lives. She also suggests practicing talking to strangers as a way to improve communication skills and reduce anxiety.

Navigating Long-Distance Friendships

In today’s mobile world, being a great long-distance friend is essential. Kristen shares insights on how to maintain long-distance friendships through effort and communication. She highlights the importance of finding common ground and making the most of shared experiences. Additionally, she acknowledges the normalcy of feeling homesick when moving away and emphasizes the importance of seeking social support.

Personal Growth and Communication

Kristen discusses the challenges of being yourself and the fear of judgment from others. She encourages responding instead of reacting, which allows individuals to stay true to themselves. Holding each other accountable in a respectful manner is crucial for personal growth. Active listening and being present in conversations are key to effective communication.

Navigating Life and Making Decisions

Life after college can be overwhelming, and there is no one-size-fits-all guidebook. Kristen emphasizes the importance of trusting your intuition and taking chances. Slowing down and reflecting on what you want in life can lead to a better understanding of yourself and your goals. Making decisions from a balanced perspective, rather than during high or low points, can lead to better outcomes.

Comparison, Gratitude, and Manifestation

Kristen advises against comparing oneself to others and instead encourages focusing on gratitude and appreciation. Success and worthiness should not be defined by societal norms or timelines. Metrics and numbers do not always reflect the true success and growth of a project or individual. Kristen also discusses the concept of manifestation, which involves believing in what you have and being positive.

Friendship Dynamics and Boundaries

Friend breakups and growing apart from friends are common challenges, but they can be navigated. Kristen emphasizes the importance of choosing friends who bring out the best in you and setting boundaries in relationships. Making mistakes in friendships is normal, and being accountable for them can lead to personal growth. It’s important to appreciate the value of different friendships and maintain a supportive network.

Conclusion

In this episode, Kristen Kalinka shares valuable insights on building and maintaining healthy friendships, even in long-distance scenarios. She emphasizes the importance of personal growth, effective communication, and navigating life at your own pace. Kristen encourages listeners to focus on gratitude, trust their intuition, and surround themselves with supportive friends. By implementing these strategies, individuals can foster meaningful connections and lead fulfilling lives.