How to Talk to People – #38 – Karista Paredes: Unmasking Abuse, Recognizing the Signs and Moving Forward

Intro

In this episode of the “How to Talk to People” podcast, host Santiago discusses the topic of navigating abusive relationships and recognizing the signs of a bad relationship. The guest, Karista Paredes, shares her personal story and experiences with an abusive relationship. Together, they provide valuable insights and advice for listeners who may be going through similar situations.

Main Takeaways

Recognizing the Signs of an Abusive Relationship

• Abusive relationships don’t always start out that way
• People don’t always see the intimate parts of a relationship
• Control can manifest in different ways
• Mental abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse
• Sexual abuse can have a significant impact on mental health
• Abusers often make their victims feel like everything is their fault
• Abusers can use small things, like not wanting to dance, to exert control over their partners
• Mental abuse can lead to making excuses and blaming oneself
• Expectations in relationships can lead to feeling required to perform sexually
• Sexual abuse can stem from small words to physical and sexual abuse
• Recognizing manipulation in relationships is important

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

• Leaving an abusive relationship can be a process
• Women in abusive relationships leave and return multiple times
• Divorce can trigger a change in behavior in the abuser, but it may not be genuine
• Abuse can escalate from emotional to physical, and moving to different houses may be a way to avoid getting caught
• It’s important to recognize your self-worth and seek help if you’re in an abusive relationship
• Planning and saving money in secret can help with leaving an abusive relationship
• Seeking counseling and figuring out oneself is important during the process of leaving an abusive relationship
• Communication with an abuser about leaving should be carefully phrased to avoid manipulation
• Planning and organization are key when leaving an abusive relationship
• It’s important to have a support system in place when leaving an abusive relationship

Healing and Moving Forward

• Healing from abuse is a personal journey with no set timeline
• Being healed means triggers are different and you can talk about it without crying
• Emotional connection can make it harder to see red flags in a relationship
• Abusive relationships often involve manipulation and using religion or finances against the victim
• Divorce can feel like a taste of freedom and a break from a narrative, but can also lead to excuses for bad behavior
• After divorce, it’s important to focus on yourself and your children, rather than jumping into dating
• Just because someone is no longer bound by marriage doesn’t mean they have an excuse to keep secrets or cheat
• Divorce can lead to bitterness towards marriage, but it’s important to remember that not all relationships are the same
• Abusive relationships can train individuals to run away from problems instead of dealing with them
• It can take many attempts for individuals to leave an abusive relationship because they don’t deal with the underlying issues

Summary

Recognizing the Signs of an Abusive Relationship

In this episode, Santiago and Karista discuss the importance of recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship. They highlight that abusive relationships don’t always start out that way and that people often don’t see the intimate parts of a relationship. They emphasize that control can manifest in different ways and that mental abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Additionally, they discuss the significant impact of sexual abuse on mental health and how abusers often manipulate their victims into feeling like everything is their fault. It’s crucial to recognize these signs and seek help if you’re in an abusive relationship.

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Santiago and Karista delve into the complexities of leaving an abusive relationship. They acknowledge that leaving can be a process and that individuals may leave and return multiple times. They discuss the potential changes in behavior that may occur when an abuser faces the possibility of divorce. They also highlight the importance of recognizing one’s self-worth, planning and saving money in secret, seeking counseling, and having a support system in place. Leaving an abusive relationship requires careful planning and organization, but it’s crucial for one’s safety and well-being.

Healing and Moving Forward

The journey of healing and moving forward after leaving an abusive relationship is discussed in this episode. Santiago and Karista emphasize that healing is a personal journey with no set timeline. They explain that being healed means triggers are different and one can talk about the experience without crying. They discuss the challenges of emotional connection in recognizing red flags in future relationships. They also address the impact of religion and finances in abusive relationships and the potential bitterness towards marriage after divorce. It’s important to focus on self-care, deal with underlying issues, and seek support during the healing process.

Conclusion

Recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship, leaving, and healing from such an experience are challenging but necessary steps towards a healthier and happier life. It’s crucial to prioritize one’s safety, seek help, and surround oneself with a supportive network. By sharing personal stories and shedding light on the complexities of abusive relationships, this podcast episode provides valuable insights and encouragement for those who may be going through similar situations.