Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu – Longevity in Relationships (Replay)

Intro

In this episode of Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu, the topic of longevity in relationships is explored. Tom and his wife, Lisa, discuss their decision not to have children and the importance of open and honest discussions about having kids. They also delve into the challenges and strategies for maintaining a strong long-distance relationship. Throughout the conversation, they share valuable insights and advice for building and sustaining a fulfilling partnership.

Main Takeaways

Deciding to Have Kids

• People commonly ask about having kids and advise not to wait until after 30 to have them.
• The couple does not believe this and have chosen not to have kids for a while.
• Risk factors do go up the longer you wait to have kids, but it’s not a big concern until after 35.
• Adoption was also a potential strategy for the couple when considering having kids.
• It’s important to have open and honest discussions about having kids and the potential risks involved.

Fulfillment and Having Children

• Fulfillment is a key driver for having kids, but it’s not the only way to find fulfillment in life.
• It’s important to find something that makes you feel connected and fulfilled at the core of your being.
• Fulfillment is about connecting and developing a skill set that is useful to somebody else.
• Having children is not necessarily about fulfillment, but about having a piece of someone you love.
• Freezing eggs could be a possibility for regretting not having children.

Long-Distance Relationships

• Long distance relationships can be challenging due to time differences, but communication is key.
• Maintaining the intensity and passion of the relationship while apart requires effort and constant communication.
• Always staying connected is important, regardless of distance.
• Showing appreciation for each other is crucial in a long-distance relationship.
• Reframing negative thoughts into positive ones can help improve the relationship.

Building a Strong Relationship

• Quality time is more important than quantity of time in a relationship.
• Carving out specific time for work and specific time for couple time can help maintain balance.
• Feeling the burn: One partner feels it more than the other.
• Importance of communication: Partner who feels the burn needs to articulate it to the other.
• Set aside time for each other and make it sacred.

Keys to a Successful Marriage

• Building a strong relationship requires commitment and dedication.
• Being a facilitator in each other’s goals and growth is important.
• Communication of values and honesty is vital for a successful marriage.
• Understanding each other’s level of ambition is critical.
• Being honest about fundamental parts of identity and attraction is important in a relationship.

Summary

Deciding to Have Kids

Tom and Lisa discuss the common advice of not waiting until after 30 to have kids. While they acknowledge that risk factors do go up with age, they believe it’s not a big concern until after 35. The couple has chosen not to have kids for a while and also considers adoption as a potential strategy. They emphasize the importance of open and honest discussions about having kids and the potential risks involved.

Fulfillment and Having Children

Fulfillment is a key driver for having kids, but Tom and Lisa highlight that it’s not the only way to find fulfillment in life. They emphasize the importance of finding something that makes you feel connected and fulfilled at the core of your being. Fulfillment, for them, is about connecting and developing a skill set that is useful to somebody else. They also discuss the idea that having children is not necessarily about fulfillment, but about having a piece of someone you love. The possibility of regretting not having children and the option of freezing eggs are also explored.

Long-Distance Relationships

Tom and Lisa share their insights and strategies for maintaining a strong long-distance relationship. They acknowledge that long-distance relationships can be challenging due to time differences, but emphasize that communication is key. They highlight the importance of always staying connected, showing appreciation for each other, and reframing negative thoughts into positive ones. Maintaining the intensity and passion of the relationship while apart requires effort and constant communication.

Building a Strong Relationship

The couple discusses the importance of quality time over quantity of time in a relationship. They suggest carving out specific time for work and specific time for couple time to maintain balance. They also address the challenges of one partner feeling the burn more than the other and emphasize the importance of communication in articulating those feelings. Setting aside sacred time for each other and maintaining open and respectful communication are key to building a strong relationship.

Keys to a Successful Marriage

Tom and Lisa share their insights on what it takes to have a successful marriage. They emphasize the importance of commitment and dedication in building a strong relationship. Being a facilitator in each other’s goals and growth is also highlighted. Communication of values and honesty is vital, and understanding each other’s level of ambition is critical. They stress the importance of being honest about fundamental parts of identity and attraction in a relationship, rather than pretending not to find others attractive.

Conclusion

In this episode, Tom and Lisa provide valuable insights and advice for maintaining strong relationships. They emphasize the importance of open and honest discussions about having kids, finding fulfillment beyond parenthood, and the challenges and strategies for long-distance relationships. Building a strong relationship requires commitment, dedication, and effective communication. By understanding each other’s needs, supporting each other’s growth, and embracing the human condition, couples can create lasting and fulfilling partnerships.