Modern Wisdom – #645 – Emily Morse – Why Is Everyone Having Such Bad Sex?

Intro

In this episode of the Modern Wisdom podcast, host Chris Williamson interviews Emily Morse, a sexologist, author, and host of the podcast Sex with Emily. They discuss why people are having less sex than previous generations, the challenges of talking about intimacy, and how to improve our sex lives. Emily shares her five pillars of sex IQ and provides valuable insights into communication, pleasure, and sexual health.

Main Takeaways

Why People Are Having Less Sex

• Studies show that younger generations are having less sex than previous generations.
• Almost all sexual activity occurs within relationships, not among singles.
• People who have more touch, sex, and connection are happier in life and live longer.
• Physical touch is a requirement for humans and boosts serotonin and moods.

The Stigma and Lack of Information About Sex

• The conversation around sex has become more open in recent years, but there is still some stigma and reluctance to talk about it, especially in certain cultures.
• Despite the openness, there is still a lack of accurate information about sex and pleasure.
• There is a crisis in sex education as only 17 states require it to be medically accurate in America, while porn is ubiquitous on the internet.
• The evolution of religion and societal norms have impacted how we view and talk about sex.

The Importance of Pleasure and Communication

• Lack of information and shame around sex can lead to an orgasm gap and missing information about how sex can be pleasurable and great.
• Men have orgasms in 99% of sexual situations while only 20% of women have orgasms during penetrative sex.
• Prioritizing pleasure is productive, and the more pleasure you have, the more productive you can be.
• Communication is key to improving and maintaining a satisfying sex life in a long-term relationship.

The Five Pillars of Sex IQ

• SparkSex offers five pillars for understanding our own sexuality: embodiment, collaboration, exploration, mindfulness, and pleasure.
• Understanding these pillars can help individuals relate to a partner and improve their sex life.
• It is important to check in with oneself and analyze where they are at in terms of their sexual health and well-being.
• Communication with a partner about turn-ons and what makes one feel good in the bedroom is crucial for a healthy sex life.

Overcoming Challenges in Initiating Sex

• Initiation of sex can be a common disagreement in relationships, with girls sometimes not instigating and causing guys to feel undesired.
• There is often a high desire partner and a low desire partner, and the low desire partner may hold the power in the relationship when it comes to sex.
• It’s important to have open and honest conversations with your partner about initiation and desire.
• Planning and communication with your partner can help with initiation.

Summary

The Importance of Openness and Education

Emily Morse highlights the importance of open conversations about sex and the need for accurate information. While the conversation around sex has become more open in recent years, there is still a stigma and lack of knowledge, particularly in certain cultures. This lack of information can lead to an orgasm gap, where men experience orgasms more frequently than women. Additionally, young people often lack the necessary education about pleasure and sexual health, resulting in misconceptions and dissatisfaction.

The Five Pillars of Sex IQ

Emily introduces the five pillars of sex IQ, which include embodiment, collaboration, exploration, mindfulness, and pleasure. These pillars provide a framework for individuals to understand their own sexuality and improve their sex lives. By checking in with oneself and communicating with a partner about desires and turn-ons, couples can enhance their sexual experiences and deepen their connection.

Challenges in Initiating Sex

Initiating sex can be a common disagreement in relationships, with differing levels of desire between partners. This can lead to feelings of undesirability and resentment. Emily emphasizes the importance of open and honest communication about initiation and desire. Planning and discussing preferences with a partner can help create a more satisfying and balanced sex life.

Conclusion

Emily Morse’s insights shed light on the challenges and misconceptions surrounding sex. By fostering open conversations, prioritizing pleasure, and understanding the five pillars of sex IQ, individuals and couples can improve their sexual experiences and overall well-being. It is crucial to address the stigma and lack of information surrounding sex to create a healthier and more satisfying culture of intimacy.