Modern Wisdom – #668 – David Pinsof – How To Leverage The Psychology Of Power & Status

Intro

In this episode of the Modern Wisdom podcast, host Chris Williamson sits down with David Pinsof to discuss the psychology of power and status. They delve into the reasons behind our desires, the concept of bullshitting, the role of status games in society, and the pursuit of happiness. Join them as they explore the hidden motivations behind human behavior and how understanding these can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Main Takeaways

Understanding Our Desires

• Humans often tell themselves stories about why they want things, but these reasons are often “bullshit”.
• The difference between bullshitting and lying.
• People have a hard time admitting that they want status.
• We don’t know the true reasons for why we do things.
• We come up with self-flattering stories to explain our motivations.

The Psychology of Power and Status

• Modern society has hijacked our status games.
• The search for true reasons for our behavior is not hopeless, but finding out the true reasons can be uncomfortable and disruptive to status games.
• A clearer understanding of ourselves can lead to good outcomes, but it’s harder to call out bullshit in ourselves.
• Being aware of the status games we play and the logic of how they work can help us choose between them a little more wisely.
• Understanding how status games work can help us choose the game that leads to better results.

The Pursuit of Happiness

• The idea that people don’t actually want to be happy is counter-intuitive and difficult to accept.
• Happiness comes down to deciding between the discomfort of becoming aware of your mental afflictions or the discomfort of becoming ruled by them.
• Pursuing happiness as a status-seeking tactic sets people up for depression and misery.
• We should prioritize desires that are better for us and the world, choosing among the desires we have.
• The combination of peace of mind and meaning is what we ultimately want in life.

The Role of Status Games

• Inherent fragility exists in all status games because we cannot play while being aware that it’s a game.
• Thinking about the game destroys the game because we realize we’re status seekers and we don’t like them.
• We pretend we don’t care about status to gain status, and we can gain even more status by avoiding looking like a manipulator.
• Virtue signaling is a way to gain status, but the goal must be genuine to achieve it.
• Social media has made reputational consequences more important than in ancestral environments, and the permanence of online communication removes ambiguity and negotiation.

Summary

Understanding Our Desires

Humans often tell themselves stories about why they want things, but these reasons are often “bullshit”. We come up with self-flattering stories to explain our motivations, both to ourselves and others. This tendency to bullshit is not the same as lying, as it is driven by a desire for social goals rather than a concern for truth. People have a hard time admitting that they want status, and this can lead to the creation of false narratives to justify their actions.

The Psychology of Power and Status

Modern society has hijacked our status games, making it challenging to discern the true reasons behind our behavior. However, the search for true reasons is not hopeless. Understanding the logic of status games can help us choose between them more wisely, leading to better outcomes. It can be uncomfortable and disruptive to confront the bullshit narratives we tell ourselves, but gaining a clearer understanding of ourselves can ultimately lead to personal growth. Recognizing the status games we play and their underlying motivations can empower us to make more conscious choices.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Contrary to popular belief, people don’t actually want to be happy. The pursuit of happiness as a status-seeking tactic can set individuals up for depression and misery. Instead, we should prioritize desires that are better for ourselves and the world. The combination of peace of mind and meaning is what ultimately brings fulfillment in life. It’s important to recognize that happiness is a prediction error and cannot be pursued directly. Rather than chasing happiness, we should focus on pursuing meaningful goals and actions.

The Role of Status Games

Status games are inherently fragile because we cannot play them while being aware that they are games. Thinking about the game destroys the game because it exposes our status-seeking nature, which is often seen as selfish and disingenuous. We pretend not to care about status to gain more status, and virtue signaling is a way to gain status, provided the goal is genuine. The rise of social media has intensified the importance of reputational consequences and made them more permanent. Understanding the dynamics of status games can help us choose the games that lead to better results and navigate the complexities of social interactions.

Conclusion

By examining the psychology of power and status, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the motivations behind our behavior. Recognizing the role of status games and the tendency to create self-flattering narratives allows us to make more conscious choices. Rather than pursuing happiness as a status-seeking tactic, we should prioritize meaningful goals and actions that align with our values. Understanding the shared humanity behind people’s behavior can lead to greater empathy and collaboration, even with those we disagree with politically. Ultimately, by embracing our desires and choosing the stories we tell ourselves, we can lead more fulfilling lives.