Moment 129: Life Changing Lessons From The World’s Longest (85 Years) Study On Happiness: Dr Robert Waldinger | The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

Intro

In this episode of “The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett,” Dr. Robert Waldinger discusses the findings from the world’s longest study on happiness. The study focuses on what truly makes us happy and healthy, both socially and physically. Dr. Waldinger shares surprising insights about the importance of relationships and the misconceptions we have about happiness.

Main Takeaways

Relationships: The Key to Happiness

• Relationships are the biggest and most surprising finding in the study that keep us happier and healthier.
• Small conversations with strangers or someone we barely know can be energizing and turn out to be very positive.
• Culture gives us messages about not talking to strangers, but it’s important to connect with each other.
• Consumerism messages tell us that buying things will make us happy, but research shows that connections with others actually make us happy.
• Curiosity about others gives them a gift of being seen and heard, which makes us feel connected and like we belong.
• Meaningful work can be fulfilling, but getting the prize or badge doesn’t lead to happiness.
• Relationships that make us happy are messy and complicated, and can’t be quantified, but they are the ones that matter the most.

Chasing Fame and Wealth

• The culture tells us that fame, wealth, and badges of achievement will make us happy, but research shows they don’t.
• Why do we strive for things like fame and wealth?
• Zen philosophy suggests that there isn’t a fixed self that lasts after death, which can be scary to know.
• Many of us grab for things like wealth and fame to make ourselves feel more real and permanent.
• Badges of achievement come with a ton of suffering and comparison to others.
• Comparing ourselves to others, even positively, can make us less happy because there’s always the threat of falling short.

The Power of Awareness and Adaptability

• The brain naturally engages in comparisons to make snap decisions.
• The frame in which we see choices affects our decisions.
• The world is changing, and we need to be adaptable and intentional.
• We need to turn toward each other for nourishing real-time contact.
• Industry and business exploit the brain with sugar, carbs, and gambling.
• People want to change their state and feel better.
• We seek excitement or comfort through gambling and sugar highs.
• We can learn to be present for unpleasant experiences and watch them pass.
• Paying attention can help us let go of malaise and negative feelings.

Summary

The Importance of Relationships

The study’s most significant finding is that relationships are the key to happiness and good health. Small conversations with strangers or acquaintances can have a positive impact, contrary to societal messages about not talking to strangers. Consumerism messages that promote material possessions as the source of happiness are debunked by research, which shows that connections with others bring true happiness. Curiosity about others and meaningful work also contribute to our overall well-being. Ultimately, it’s the messy and complicated relationships that matter the most.

The Illusion of Fame and Wealth

Despite cultural messages that fame, wealth, and achievement badges lead to happiness, research proves otherwise. Zen philosophy suggests that our fear of impermanence drives us to strive for external validation. However, seeking wealth and fame often comes with suffering and comparison to others, leading to unhappiness. Comparing ourselves to others, even positively, can diminish our happiness due to the constant fear of falling short. It’s essential to recognize that true happiness lies in meaningful relationships, not external accomplishments.

The Power of Awareness and Adaptability

Our brains naturally engage in comparisons to make quick decisions. However, the frame through which we view choices influences our decision-making. In a rapidly changing world, it’s crucial to be adaptable and intentional. Instead of seeking quick fixes like gambling or indulging in sugary foods, we should turn towards genuine human connections for nourishment. Industry and business exploit our brain’s vulnerabilities, but we can learn to be present for unpleasant experiences and let them pass. By paying attention and cultivating awareness, we can let go of negative feelings and embrace a more fulfilling life.

Conclusion

Dr. Robert Waldinger’s insights from the world’s longest study on happiness emphasize the importance of relationships in our overall well-being. While society often promotes external achievements and material possessions as the keys to happiness, true fulfillment lies in meaningful connections with others. By embracing curiosity, being adaptable, and cultivating awareness, we can unlock a more authentic and satisfying life.