Intro
In this episode of “The Mel Robbins Podcast,” Mel Robbins interviews Rachel Hart, an expert at helping people create healthier and normal relationships with the things they crave. Rachel’s work specifically focuses on changing our relationship with alcohol, but her approach can be applied to other areas of our lives as well.
Main Takeaways
Creating a Healthy Relationship with Alcohol
- Rachel Hart is an expert at helping people understand their urges and create healthier and normal relationships with the things in life that you crave.
- Her work focuses on creating a normal relationship with alcohol, whatever that might mean for you.
- Conflicted feelings about alcohol are normal and can be a window into our relationship with ourselves.
- Changing our relationship with alcohol can reveal what we truly desire.
- It’s common to feel conflicted about our desires and have different parts of our brain that care about different things.
- Rachel’s approach can help create a healthier relationship with things we crave beyond just alcohol.
Understanding the Symbolism of Alcohol
- Alcohol is poison, but people drink it because they like the taste of it.
- There is often more to our love of alcohol than just the taste, such as the ceremony and information surrounding it.
- Alcohol is often associated with symbolism, desire, and drama.
- Our brains learn stories about when, where, and why we drink alcohol, and these stories can trigger our desire to drink.
- Alcohol can be associated with a sense of belonging, and our brains can learn to associate it with social connection and acceptance.
- Alcohol can be seen as a signal to the brain to shift from work mode to relaxation mode.
Managing Urge and Desire
- The urge to drink can be caused by practicing saying “yes” unconsciously.
- Interrupting the habit can be as simple as naming and normalizing the urge.
- Approaching urges as a source of inner intelligence can offer awareness and insight.
- Understanding the urge can reveal deeper desires beyond alcohol consumption.
- Naming and normalizing an urge is a powerful way to interrupt the habit.
- Learning to control urges and responses is the key to everything.
Changing the Relationship with Commitment
- Experimenting with periods of taking a break from drinking can be powerful.
- Taking a break from drinking can be a helpful experiment to practice skills and techniques to manage urges and excuses.
- The focus should be on using tools and techniques rather than just saying no to alcohol.
- 30-day breaks from drinking are different from dry January or sober October because they are about using tools and learning from mistakes.
- Breaking a commitment to not drink can provide valuable data to learn from and understand the underlying emotions and beliefs driving the desire to drink.
- Recognizing the lower brain’s desire to drink as a shortcut to avoid feeling emotions.
Shifting Focus and Overcoming Shame
- Shaming oneself for wanting to drink can lead to increased desire for alcohol.
- Rather than fixating on the harmful effects of alcohol, focus on the emotions and desires behind the urge to drink.
- Noticing and exploring the emotions behind the urge to drink can lead to more powerful insights and breakthroughs.
- Asking for a hug or other form of self-care can be a more beneficial and fulfilling alternative to ordering a drink.
- Watching the urge pass is a struggle for many people.
- Understanding, identifying, and fulfilling unmet desires elsewhere can create a lot of freedom.
Summary
Creating a Healthy Relationship with Alcohol
Rachel Hart, an expert in understanding urges, helps people develop healthier relationships with their cravings, specifically focusing on alcohol. By examining our conflicted feelings about alcohol, we can gain insight into our relationship with ourselves and uncover our true desires. Rachel’s approach can be applied to other areas of our lives beyond alcohol.
Understanding the Symbolism of Alcohol
Alcohol is more than just a poison we consume for its taste. It carries symbolism, ceremony, and social connections. Our brains learn stories and associations around alcohol, triggering our desires. By understanding these associations, we can gain control over our urge to drink and explore deeper desires beyond alcohol consumption.
Managing Urge and Desire
Interrupting the habit of drinking can be as simple as naming and normalizing the urge. Approaching urges as a source of inner intelligence allows us to gain awareness and insight into our desires. By learning to control our urges and responses, we can develop healthier relationships with the things we crave, not just alcohol.
Changing the Relationship with Commitment
Experimenting with breaks from drinking, such as 30-day challenges, can be powerful in developing new skills and techniques to manage urges and excuses. Breaking a commitment to not drink can provide valuable data for self-reflection and understanding the underlying emotions and beliefs driving the desire to drink. It’s about using tools and learning from mistakes, rather than just saying no to alcohol.
Shifting Focus and Overcoming Shame
Shaming ourselves for wanting to drink only increases our desire for alcohol. Instead of fixating on the harmful effects of alcohol, it’s important to focus on the emotions and desires behind the urge to drink. By noticing and exploring these emotions, we can gain powerful insights and breakthroughs. Shifting our focus towards self-care and fulfilling unmet desires can create a sense of freedom.
Conclusion
Rachel Hart’s approach to changing our relationship with alcohol goes beyond simply saying no to drinking. By understanding our urges, exploring the symbolism of alcohol, managing our desires, and shifting our focus away from shame, we can create healthier and more fulfilling relationships with the things we crave. This process of self-reflection and growth can be applied to other areas of our lives as well, leading to personal transformation and a deeper understanding of ourselves.
