The Surprising Link Between People Pleasing & Your Health: A Medical Doctor’s Recommendation on How to Say “No” | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Intro

In this episode of “The Mel Robbins Podcast,” host Mel Robbins interviews Dr. Neha Sangwan, a medical doctor and researcher in internal medicine, about the surprising link between people pleasing and your health. Dr. Sangwan shares her insights and recommendations on how to say “no” and set boundaries to prioritize your own needs.

Main Takeaways

The Physical and Mental Impact of People Pleasing

• People pleasing can make you ill, according to Dr. Neha Sangwan, a medical doctor and researcher in internal medicine.
• Being a people pleaser can lead to physical, emotional, and mental health issues.
• People pleasing is giving up what matters to you to please others and avoid conflict.
• People pleasing can cause individuals to lose their ability to make decisions and know themselves.
• People pleasing can have physical impacts on the body over time, leading to health problems.

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

• Saying “no” can be difficult for people pleasers, but it is important to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs.
• Learning to be comfortable with discomfort and setting boundaries can help people pleasers regain control of their lives.
• Learning to set boundaries and be comfortable with discomfort can help people pleasers regain control of their lives.
• Resentment is a big clue that boundaries have been trampled and that you may have overextended yourself.
• Voicing your boundaries can prevent resentment from building up.

The Influence of Childhood Experiences

• Coping mechanisms and strategies we use to manage pain or stress later in life can stem from our interpretations of early experiences.
• Childhood experiences, such as being sent away, can shape our beliefs and behaviors in ways we may not realize.
• Neha’s childhood experience of being sent away shaped her into a people-pleaser who was always attuned to others’ needs.
• Childhood experiences can shape how we show up in the present moment.
• Unhealed experiences from childhood can lead to people-pleasing behavior.

Understanding and Addressing People Pleasing

• People pleasing is a learned behavior that can be unlearned.
• Recognizing your role in a situation and understanding your part, someone else’s part, and the role of the environment and situation can help manage people-pleasing behavior.
• People pleasing can be a coping mechanism to feel loved and needed.
• It’s important to decipher how you feel resentment in your body and ask yourself what parts of yourself you’re giving away.
• People pleasing can be triggered by discomfort in our bodies, and learning to tolerate discomfort allows you to gain choice and get reconnected to yourself.

Summary

The Impact of People Pleasing on Health and Well-being

Dr. Neha Sangwan emphasizes that people pleasing can have detrimental effects on physical, emotional, and mental health. By giving up what matters to you to please others and avoid conflict, individuals can lose their ability to make decisions and know themselves. Over time, people pleasing can lead to physical illness and health problems. It is crucial to recognize the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing your own needs to regain control of your life.

The Influence of Childhood Experiences

Childhood experiences play a significant role in shaping our beliefs and behaviors. Coping mechanisms and strategies we develop in response to early experiences can impact how we show up in the present moment. Dr. Sangwan shares her personal experience of being sent away as a child, which shaped her into a people-pleaser who was always attuned to others’ needs. Understanding the impact of childhood experiences can help identify underlying intentions and values.

Recognizing and Addressing People Pleasing

People pleasing is a learned behavior that can be unlearned. It is essential to recognize your role in a situation and understand the dynamics between yourself, others, and the environment. By deciphering how you feel resentment in your body and identifying the parts of yourself you’re giving away, you can start setting boundaries and voicing your needs. Learning to tolerate discomfort allows you to gain choice and reconnect with yourself, empowering you to make better decisions and create a better life.

Conclusion

People pleasing can have significant impacts on your health, well-being, and overall quality of life. By recognizing the importance of setting boundaries, understanding the influence of childhood experiences, and addressing people-pleasing behaviors, you can regain control of your life and prioritize your own needs. It’s time to chart your own course and live the life you deserve.