Intro
In this episode of “The Mel Robbins Podcast,” Mel and her colleague Amy McLean answer rapid-fire questions from listeners. They provide advice on various topics, including friendships, romantic relationships, negotiation skills, career paths, therapy, dealing with mental health issues, and embracing vulnerability. Mel shares personal anecdotes and insights to help listeners navigate these areas of life.
Main Takeaways
When to Walk Away from a Friendship
- Friendship is about supporting each other and bringing out the best in one another.
- Circumstances and life stages can impact friendships.
- It’s okay to let go of friendships that no longer serve you.
- Friendships often make sense within a specific context, such as college, job, or relationship status, and may fade when the context changes.
- It’s normal to reevaluate friendships and redirect energy into relationships that fulfill and lift you up.
- It’s okay to pull back from friendships where you’re not receiving much in return and to set boundaries.
- Pulling back from a friendship could mean reducing the frequency of contact or not feeling obligated to invite them to events.
- Friendships should be reciprocal, and when you stop putting in effort, the true nature of the relationship becomes clear.
Letting Go of Unrealistic Romantic Relationships
- Similar to friendships, romantic relationships can also be based on chasing possibilities and potential rather than the reality of the person.
- It’s important to recognize when you’ve been living in a fantasy and to let go of relationships that don’t fulfill you.
- It’s better to realize the truth about a relationship on your own rather than being blindsided by someone else.
Redefining Friendship in the Modern World
- Life has become busier, and people move a lot in modern life, making it difficult to stay in constant contact with friends.
- The definition of friendship should be upgraded to not require constant contact.
- It’s possible to have close friends who live far away and not be in constant communication with them.
- Don’t hold on to friendships too tightly and invest energy into people who don’t reciprocate.
Using Objectification to Make Decisions
- Use objectification to make decisions by asking what a respected person would do.
- Borrow confidence and decisiveness from others when making decisions.
- Fear and insecurity may arise when considering what someone else would do, but it’s important to push through it and take action.
Negotiating a Salary Increase
- When negotiating a salary, do thorough homework and prove what you want to your boss.
- The wrong approach is to compare job titles and salaries in the market when negotiating a salary increase.
- Employers value contributions that impact the bottom line, not just job titles.
- Keeping track of contributions and problem-solving can prove your value to your employer.
Mel Robbins’ Career Path and Passion for Performing
- Mel’s childhood dream was to become a doctor and cure cancer, but she later realized her passion for performing.
- Mel’s passion for performing was sparked by seeing artists on stage and sermons that stirred something in her.
- Mel’s career path evolved from wanting to be a doctor to pursuing history, filmmaking, and women’s studies.
- Mel also volunteered as a crisis intervention counselor, taking calls on a domestic violence hotline.
- Mel is admired by Trinity, who considers her a North star.
The Benefits of Therapy
- Therapy is engaging in a conversation about life, thoughts, habits, hopes, dreams, relationships, obstacles, and challenges intentionally with an objective person who is trained to listen and help untangle thoughts and behaviors.
- Therapy is a luxury, privilege, and something every human being deserves, similar to a school counselor, a resource to help individuals be successful.
- Reframe therapy as an opportunity for change and to achieve goals, be more successful, happy, motivated, capable, courageous, and confident.
- Frame therapy as a way to strategize about work and family situations, not just laying on a couch talking about a sob story.
- Use the “let them decide” theory – let adults make their own decision about going to therapy, but express what you need.
Dealing with a Partner’s Mental Health Issues
- It’s important to express clear boundaries when dealing with a partner’s mental health issues.
- Rather than resenting a partner’s lack of action, it’s crucial to clearly communicate expectations.
- Relationships often suffer due to unspoken resentments and unaddressed issues.
- It’s crucial to have stern conversations and set clear deadlines for seeking help.
- Personal experiences can shed light on the challenges of dealing with a partner’s mental health struggles.
- Encouraging a partner to seek professional help can lead to positive outcomes for both parties.
- Medication helped get out of a spiral and allowed therapy to work.
Summary
When to Walk Away from a Friendship
Friendships evolve and may no longer serve you as circumstances and life stages change. It’s important to reevaluate friendships and redirect your energy into relationships that fulfill and lift you up. Sometimes, friendships make sense within a specific context, such as college or a job, and may fade when the context changes. It’s okay to let go of friendships that no longer bring out the best in you and to set boundaries in relationships where you’re not receiving much in return.
Letting Go of Unrealistic Romantic Relationships
Similar to friendships, romantic relationships can be based on chasing possibilities and potential rather than the reality of the person. It’s crucial to recognize when you’ve been living in a fantasy and to let go of relationships that don’t fulfill you. It’s better to realize the truth about a relationship on your own rather than being blindsided by someone else.
Redefining Friendship in the Modern World
In today’s busy and transient world, it’s challenging to stay in constant contact with friends. However, the definition of friendship should be upgraded to not require constant contact. It’s possible to have close friends who live far away and not be in constant communication with them. It’s important not to hold on too tightly to friendships and to invest energy into people who reciprocate.
Using Objectification to Make Decisions
A helpful strategy for making decisions is to ask yourself what a respected person would do in a similar situation. By borrowing confidence and decisiveness from others, you can push through fear and insecurity and take action.
Negotiating a Salary Increase
When negotiating a salary increase, it’s important to do thorough homework and prove your value to your boss. Instead of comparing job titles and salaries in the market, focus on showcasing your contributions that impact the bottom line. Keeping track of your problem-solving and measurable achievements can help demonstrate your value to your employer.
Mel Robbins’ Career Path and Passion for Performing
Mel’s childhood dream of becoming a doctor shifted as she discovered her passion for performing. Her career path evolved from wanting to be a doctor to pursuing history, filmmaking, and women’s studies. Along the way, she volunteered as a crisis intervention counselor, which further shaped her journey. Mel is admired by Trinity, who sees her as a North star.
The Benefits of Therapy
Therapy is a valuable resource for personal growth and success. It involves engaging in conversations about various aspects of life with an objective person trained to listen and help untangle thoughts and behaviors. Reframing therapy as an opportunity for change, goal achievement, and strategizing about work and family situations can enhance its effectiveness. It’s important to let adults make their own decision about therapy while expressing your needs.
Dealing with a Partner’s Mental Health Issues
When dealing with a partner’s mental health issues, clear communication and setting boundaries are essential. Rather than resenting their lack of action, it’s crucial to express expectations and have stern conversations. Unspoken resentments and unaddressed issues can strain relationships. Encouraging a partner to seek professional help can lead to positive outcomes for both parties. Medication can also be a helpful tool in managing mental health struggles.
Conclusion
On “The Mel Robbins Podcast,” Mel and Amy provide valuable insights and advice on various topics, including friendships, romantic relationships, negotiation skills, career paths, therapy, and dealing with mental health issues. Listeners are encouraged to reevaluate relationships, set boundaries, and take action to create fulfilling lives. With personal anecdotes and practical tips, Mel inspires her audience to make positive changes and embrace vulnerability.
