Financial Feminist – 97. Building a Life You Actually Want with Tara Schuster

Intro

In episode 97 of the “Financial Feminist” podcast, host Tori Dunlap sits down with Tara Schuster to discuss building a life you actually want. They delve into the impact of money on women, overcoming financial trauma, and the interconnectedness of financial, mental, and spiritual health. Tara shares her insights on reparenting oneself, healing trauma, and reevaluating priorities after job loss. They also explore the power of self-awareness, validating emotions, and the importance of self-care. Join them as they discuss these topics and more, providing valuable advice and inspiration for personal growth and financial success.

Main Takeaways

Building a Life You Actually Want

• Living your own life is the biggest act of resistance and change.
• Money affects women differently and it’s important to talk about it.
• Overcoming financial trauma and reframing negative thinking is crucial.
• Financial health, mental health, and spiritual health are interconnected.
• Learning about money can be intimidating, but it’s not as complicated as it seems.
• Learning about money can evaporate fear and lead to better decisions.
• Shame can be a major emotion tied to money and finances.
• Traumatic experiences can lead to seeking external validation and decision-making.
• Reparenting oneself and healing trauma can be crucial for personal growth.
• Job loss can lead to a loss of identity and a need to reevaluate priorities.

Healing Trauma and Finding Self-Worth

• Trauma can become a defining factor of one’s identity if not addressed and healed.
• It’s important to distinguish between the damaged self and the innermost self, which is made of stardust and is enough just by existing.
• Recognizing the miraculous nature of stardust can help combat negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy.
• People often stay comfortable until the universe forces them to make a different choice, but it’s important to define what comfort means in this context.
• The universe will force you to make a choice if you don’t proactively make it yourself.
• Safety is a learned concept, and not everyone has experienced it.
• Self-awareness is key to any healing journey.
• Journaling can be a helpful tool for self-awareness and separating negative self-talk from oneself.
• Gaslighting oneself is a common struggle when working through trauma.
• The hierarchy of pain: nobody is higher than anybody on the pain scale, because whatever the external circumstance, you feel it, it’s real.

Financial Trauma and Self-Care

• Financial trauma can have a lasting impact on one’s relationship with money and can manifest in unexpected ways.
• Childhood experiences around money can have a lasting impact on one’s relationship with money.
• The shame cycle of money can lead to feeling guilty about spending money on things that make life worth living.
• Frivolous spending is often associated with feminine things like flowers and lattes, but not with things like NFL season tickets.
• Millennials are often blamed for their financial struggles, but there are many systemic issues at play, including generational wealth and systematic oppression.
• Basic luxuries can up level everything in life.
• Small luxuries have been conditioned to be seen as unnecessary, but they should be a regular occurrence.
• Money should be used as a tool to provide ease and beauty in life.
• Self-care should not be seen as a luxury.
• Challenge yourself to do one nice thing for yourself every day.

Summary

Building a Life You Actually Want

Tara Schuster emphasizes the importance of living your own life as an act of resistance and change. Money affects women differently, making it crucial to openly discuss its impact. Overcoming financial trauma and reframing negative thinking are essential steps towards building a life you actually want. Tara highlights the interconnectedness of financial, mental, and spiritual health, emphasizing that learning about money is not as intimidating as it seems. By acquiring financial knowledge, fear can dissipate, leading to better decision-making. Addressing shame tied to money and finances is also crucial, as traumatic experiences can lead to seeking external validation and decision-making. Reparenting oneself and healing trauma play a significant role in personal growth, especially when job loss forces a reevaluation of priorities.

Healing Trauma and Finding Self-Worth

Trauma can become a defining factor of one’s identity if not addressed and healed. Tara encourages individuals to distinguish between the damaged self and the innermost self, which is made of stardust and is enough just by existing. Recognizing the miraculous nature of stardust helps combat negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy. Comfort zones can be deceiving, and it’s important to define what comfort means in the context of personal growth. Failing to make proactive choices may lead to the universe forcing decisions upon individuals. Safety is a learned concept, and not everyone has experienced it. Self-awareness, facilitated by journaling, is key to healing trauma and separating negative self-talk from one’s true self. Gaslighting oneself is a common struggle when working through trauma. Tara emphasizes the hierarchy of pain, reminding listeners that nobody’s pain is higher or lower; it is valid regardless of external circumstances.

Financial Trauma and Self-Care

Financial trauma can have a lasting impact on one’s relationship with money, often manifesting in unexpected ways. Childhood experiences around money also shape one’s financial mindset. The shame cycle of money can lead to guilt when spending money on things that make life worth living. Society often associates frivolous spending with feminine things like flowers and lattes, while overlooking expenses like NFL season tickets. Millennials are often unfairly blamed for their financial struggles, disregarding systemic issues such as generational wealth and systematic oppression. Basic luxuries should be seen as essential for up-leveling one’s quality of life, challenging the notion that small luxuries are unnecessary. Money should be viewed as a tool to provide ease and beauty in life, and self-care should never be seen as a luxury. By prioritizing self-care and doing one nice thing for oneself every day, individuals can improve their financial and mental well-being.

Conclusion

In this episode, Tara Schuster shares valuable insights on building a life you actually want. By overcoming financial trauma, reframing negative thinking, and prioritizing self-care, individuals can achieve personal growth and financial success. Healing trauma and finding self-worth are essential steps in this journey. Recognizing the interconnectedness of financial, mental, and spiritual health is crucial for overall well-being. By taking responsibility for one’s life, challenging societal norms, and embracing self-compassion, individuals can create positive change and show up better in every aspect of their lives. Remember, financial stability and mental health are acts of protest against societal expectations. It’s time to prioritize your own well-being and build the life you truly desire.